Futility In Hope…or Vice Versa

why is this cat trying to drink a urine sample?

I am a pessimist. Straight forward as that. It guides my choices & leads my doctor to prescribe me tasty meds. Most situations are glass half empty as the cat above can attest to. Where did the hope go to? Probably the same place my belief in the fairness of life, or the belief in Santa Claus went. So where is it?

I think it is a very important lesson to focus on futility. People like to say that confidence is important. Which it is, but it is implied (or out right said) that being a pessimist is character flaw. It isn’t…it is just pragmatic to assume failure is in the cards.

I approach an interview for a new job like someone putting their hand in a rat trap.  I know its gonna end badly, possibly with me screaming a cuss word loudly a few moments after.

I approach dating as if the other persons soul mate will be serving us, and shove their tongue down my dates throat. whisking them away to parts unknown to proceed with a long, healthy & happy relationship. Hilarious I know, but these thoughts are in my head nearly the entire time.

The thing is no one views this as an advantage. It can be as long as you accept the fact that if there can be a certain amount of futility in being hopeful, then the opposite must hold some grain of truth. There is hope within futility.  There is a power.

I may assume I won’t get a job I have applied for, but it makes me research the company, evaluate my skills more in-depth, and makes me acutely aware of what I am doing during the interview. It makes me hyper aware, and I have anticipated what could go wrong in many various ways. So much so that when the worse happens I feel it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Just shrug & move forward.

In the dating scenario, it keeps me from being a cocky asshole…there is plenty of time to be hated for my other flaws. It does basically the same thing though. It makes me try to avoid making those stupid mistakes. I will make mistakes like turning the water in the bathroom on too much and splashing a large wet spot on the front of my pants, or something equally embarrassing. It will make me calm down that part of myself that wants to jump around the person like an excited puppy. It also helps if I don’t get another date with that person…I usually assume they have fallen madly in fuck with the lead singer of some band that wears tight jeans. Just shrug & move forward.

Does it mean I have a crappy job? Yes, just like 99% of the entire world. Does it mean I am aware of loneliness? Of course, I am human in that way. I may have moments where I feel defeated & deflated, but I can be assured that something positive will come of it. Be it learning lessons about myself through failures, or just succeeding when I thought I would fail. Plus, it beats the hell out of being a chipper, smiling soccer mom all the damned time. No one likes chipper, except other chipper people. It takes too much effort to smile in the face of adversity, and its much more satisfying to tell adversity to fuck off.

Just remember it isn’t futility that is negative it is what you do with that feeling. If you quit it is the most negative thing you can ever do. If you feel all is futile, yet you persist that is the most potentially life changing choice you can make. Every innovation, accomplishment, etc. comes from a huge pile of failure until you get it right.

So go on…be pessimistic & persistent…it is the only hope we have.

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I’m Gonna Court!

In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively “court” or “woo” a female, thus encouraging her interest in him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity.

Does this still exist even? It seems every time I pop onto the internet, or pop into a conversation about relationships courtship is severely lacking. It’s as if relationships now go from zero to 60, faster than a Ferrari on the test track.  I’ve fallen into this habit as well. It isn’t that super fast relationships shouldn’t happen, because they have always happened. I just think the amount of people who want lasting relationships versus those who bounce from relationship to relationship like a pinball on speed, is worth discussing.

People are so into this instant gratification mind-set that it becomes who they are. They are also the most vocal about being so lonely & alternately so much in love a few days later. I think it’s the origin of the “Clinger”. They want to have their picket fence fantasy so they sacrifice every bit of common sense to make things happen. It’s like watching a toddler forcing pieces of a puzzle together.

I guess, to be honest, it’s exactly that. We become aware of all these “adult” things we can achieve, but we lost our sense of how to get them & hold onto them logically. Society is now over-grown babies, trading patience & knowledge for speed & force, when it comes to puzzle piecing our lives together. The end result isn’t going to make any sense, but at least it’s still a puzzle. *SIGH*

How oddly subliminal

THE IDEA
The worst part is finding anyone else left on planet Earth who agrees that moving at a casual cruising speed is the best option. They exist, but are probably really odd acting & smell of butterscotch candies.

I propose that we just take our time. That’s all. When it comes to posting every 15 minutes on Facebook or Twitter about your relationship updates…maybe try to limit it to once a day. Perhaps allowing yourself an engagement period that gives you plenty of time to arrange the wedding particulars. Spend enough time with someone one on one before you claim to know them inside & out.

It might be harsh to say relationships are like jobs, but they are…times 100. You can’t say you are great at a new job two days into your training. Unless you’re a weird savant, in which case you’re gonna die alone, because savants are creepy.  Anyway, why would you assume your entire relationship has been figured out in a few weeks? It takes me longer than that to figure out how to operate my MP3 player (even with the instruction manual). There should be levels, achievements, and varying difficulty settings like a video game. I want to unlock the “Lifelong Partner Achievement” but I forgot to go on that quest to earn credits for a ring and champagne. Also, I forgot to bathe appropriately, restarting game…now!

I knew I should have brought Yoshi! Dammit!

I am not suggesting anyone give up their dating routines, behavior, or sex lives. These things are awesome (or so I hear). I only suggest slowing down to be able to get to know the other person adequately.  Maybe you can learn if they are allergic to peanuts, or enjoy having unprotected sex with prostitutes. You know the basics.

Top Five Suggestions:

• Enjoy getting to know the person as a continuous activity. People are multifaceted so you can’t assume you know someone completely after a month.
• Learn what you find acceptable/unacceptable. As long as it is important, and not petty. Then stick with it. Also learn the other person’s deal breakers.
• Take your time. If you plan on being with this person for life, why would an extra 6-12 months engagement hurt? Besides the fact that you can spend time focusing on each other not just “The Planning”.
• Laugh. Flirt. Fight. F**k. Experience each other(short-term & long-term, doesn’t matter). It is all part of a relationship.
• Be upfront about what you are doing. If it’s a casual fling, then make it known. If it is a serious relationship make sure you are both on the same page.

Courtship may never make a huge comeback. It is gone, as far as classic courtship is concerned. That doesn’t mean you can’t take some of the useful bits, and use them to help you out. I personally dislike white picket fences, but I do enjoy laughing, flirting, and building rapport. I also enjoy unlocking that pesky underwear achievement. (too much?)